"Is it ceramic?" Colin

 "Errrr I don't know Um ...  it's china" Ian

 

"I'll find some evidence, even if I have to forge it!"

Dave

 

"Hang on .... Sixty-nine is the complicated one, isn't it?"

Nick, in a technical discussion with Colin (talking abou PI69).

 

"You're just picking straws!!!!!!"

Ian 'Clutching at NOSES' Wynands

 

"I hate Network Services as well"

Dave

 

"Fucking Central Rates"

Dave

 

"Bollocks"

Dave

 

"Why don't they let dead dogs lie ?"

Ian 'Mad Dog' Wynands

 

"I don't know how to make it bigger"

Linda

 

"They've got to get their act in gear."

Ian “Getting his arse together” Wynands

 

"It would mean putting gas in and everything."

Ian 'Weird, weird, weird, weird' Wynands after being asked why he hadn't fixed his toilet.

 

""You can have some of my juice, if you like""

Mrs Saunders, to Yorkie, her fancy-man.

 

"My New Year's Resolution is "Be more tolerant of Religious Wankers""

Dave

 

"Christians can't drive"

Nick

 

"The rumour has been scuttled."

Ian "Mad,Mad,Mad,Mad" Wasp-Innards

 

"I've only ever had it in a great long sausagey shaped thing"

Joolze

 

"It's a Catch 29 situation."

Weirdo

 

"It hasn't moved. I can't find it, but it hasn't moved."

Ralph " Anything Ian Can Do, I Can do Weirder" Badsmell

 

"I would be niffed if it was me."

Ian "nad as a nad thing" Wynands

 

"I don't think that we can afford to use the Quotes System on this one."

Vinny talking about the Investment Bond system.

 

"Mind you, I blame the Quotes System for most things."

Stephie

 

"My thing is totally flexible."

I.W.

 

""F, O, R, T, R, A, N"  "

 Linda, spelling out the problem to the TOP PEOPLE at the Bristol Help Desk, who weren't completely up to speed.

 

"Colin’s not around at the moment.  He’s running around like a bear on heat."

You guessed it, it’s Mrs Malaprop herself – Ian W.